Aurora Levins Morales
  • Home
    • What's New
  • What I Do
    • Projects >
      • Finca La Lluvia
    • Podcast
    • Writing >
      • Books >
        • Getting Home Alive
        • Kindling
        • Cosecha & Other Stories
      • Essays >
        • Nadie la tiene: Land Ecology and Nationalism
        • Muna Lee
        • Testimonio de una colaboración
      • Writing Sample >
        • Invocation
        • chicken house goat girls
        • First Snow
        • A Remedy for Heartburn
        • Transfusion
        • Maguey/Lost Bird
        • Pines
    • Portfolio >
      • Letters from Earth
      • Rimonim Liturgy Project
  • What We Can Do Together
    • Workshops
    • Public Speaking >
      • Publicity Packet
    • One on One
    • Itinerary
  • Residency in Puerto Rico
  • Connections
    • Join My Mailing List
    • Write to me
    • Permissions
    • Calendar
    • Moon Phase
  • Blog
  • Support Aurora
    • Creatng Access >
      • Hosting Aurora
    • Access Researcher Position
    • Testimonials
  • Puerto Rico Liberation
    • Declaracion
    • Boricuando
Picture

Brain Journey: Second Day

3/21/2017

3 Comments

 
Picture
Flowers and stems make a 3D shape of an airy brain, with pink and white blossoms against a black background.
A long time ago, when I had the stamina to go backpacking, there would be this moment when the pack came off and for a while, I would feel incredibly light, buoyant almost because my body, having grown accustomed to struggling with the extra weight, had been suddenly released.  yesterday, I spoke with the occupational therapist about what it's been like to accomplish what I have while living with multiple brain injuries, that it was like climbing a mountain with a hundred pounds of rocks on my back. 

It's only the end of the first day, but I am buoyant, floating, light on my feet.  I had ten different therapy sessions today.  One of them is with a device called the Dyna Vision.  It's a big black square on the wall, with concentric rings of buttons that light up.   I ask the therapist what part of my brain we're working on now and he says it's the subcortical region, the most seriously injured.  The Grand Central Station of  information routing, where so many  pathways pass through, delivering information , sending signal, handling traffic--except that mine doesn't. 

At first, my task is just to whack the buttons as they light up.  But it gets more and more complicated and challenging.  Hit the red lights with my right hand and the green with my left. Now switch.  Hit the lights while reading a story out loud. And then, do a side to side dance step while hitting the lights. At first they are lighting up at the same speed as my dance step rhythm, but soon they speed up and I am hopelessly snarled. I lose the dance steps or I lose track of the lights, and eventually I lose both and stand, immobilized by my inability to track the two tasks that feel impossibly contradictory.  We stop. Then he says, "Now do it again."

And all of a sudden I can.  I can do it. I'm not confused. I can FEEL the lights going on in a darkened section of my brain, long unused.  I stand there as my brain changes.  Then I am taken to a softly lit room with a big comfy chair where I put on headphones for brainwave entrainment.  It takes me into a meditative state and lets everything rest. While I am resting, I see two images. First there is a dimly lit curved corridor, full of grip hazards and obstacles--boxes, toys, piles of stuff. Then suddenly the lights are on, the hallways are completely clear and clean and I am running along the curve.

This is toward the end of a day in which I've done two hour long cognitive therapy sessions, played brain games chosen for my specific profile of difficulties, and neuromuscular work to open us circulation through my neck and into my head.  I start to notice other things. Yesterday I couldn't figure out how to upload two images for a t-shirt that needs to be ready in nine days. Today I did it over my lunch break . Things I learned in the morning cognitive session are affecting how I play games in the afternoon.  My head feel clear, unfogged.  I feel lighter. There's a sense of fizzing, tingling,  of vines sending out tendrils, of everything waking up. It's springtime in my brain, and I feel in tune with the flowering fruit trees that line the streets of Provo.  

I get home with only a few minutes to spare before the first of two check-in calls.  I haven't eaten,I have to pee, I want to change my clothes, and I have to fix food for tomorrow, plus my cell just dinged that I have a text.  Yesterday I would have felt overwhelmed, felt that each of these things demanded my attention at the same time.  I would have dithered and fretted trying to figure out what to do first. Today I pause, think for a minute and then decide I will pee, put up dinner, then check my messages, then do as much food prep as I can til my call starts and let my friend know I'll need to eat dinner while we talk.  I'm unruffled. I have a plan, a sequence.  Organizing a clutter of individual tasks, ideas, objects into a structure is one of the hardest things for me to do. Or it was yesterday, when I had a hundred pounds of ricks on my back . But somehow during the day, I loosened the straps, and someone helped me set my backpack down on the ground.  Today is only Tuesday.  Imagine what Wednesday, Thursday and Friday will be like!
 
​
3 Comments
Leslie Lawrence
3/24/2017 08:41:43 am

" Organizing a clutter of individual tasks, ideas, objects into a structure is one of the hardest things for me to do. " Yes! This! The feeling that I can still do things, but cannot decide what to do when has been driving me absolutely nuts.

I can't wait to try this thing that you're doing. Thanks so much for documenting and sharing your process!

Reply
Victoria Alara Alcoset
3/25/2017 09:41:08 am

So very glad for you, Aurora!

Reply
Sandra Razieli
8/13/2017 10:18:41 pm

Thank you for sharing your journey. I will pass this on to a dear friend who have also suffered for many years.

Reply

Your comment will be posted after it is approved.


Leave a Reply.

    About Aurora

    Aurora Levins Morales is a disabled and chronically ill, community supported  writer, historian, artist and activist. It takes a village to keep her blogs coming.  To become part of the village it takes, donate here.

    Picture
    Never miss a post!
    Click below to add this blog to your favorite RSS reader:

    RSS Feed

    Follow Me on Pinterest
    Picture

    Archives

    September 2017
    August 2017
    July 2017
    June 2017
    May 2017
    March 2017
    November 2016
    August 2016
    July 2016
    May 2016
    January 2016
    December 2015
    November 2015
    June 2015
    April 2015
    February 2015
    November 2014
    July 2014
    June 2014
    May 2014
    March 2014
    October 2013
    August 2013
    July 2013
    May 2013
    April 2013
    March 2013
    December 2012
    August 2012
    July 2012
    April 2012
    March 2012
    February 2012
    January 2012
    November 2011
    October 2011
    September 2011
    July 2011
    June 2011
    May 2011
    March 2011
    February 2011
    January 2011
    April 2010

    Categories

    All
    Alba
    Art
    Artwork
    Cuba
    Ecology
    Epilepsy
    Family
    Freedom Of Speech
    Genetics
    Healing
    Healing Justice
    Health
    History
    Jews
    La Casita
    Language
    Latin@s
    Love
    Middle East
    Pesticides
    Poetry
    Puerto Rico
    Racism
    Rape
    Repression
    Sexuality
    Trauma
    Travel
    Weapons

Listen to my podcasts .     Support my work.   Tell me what you think.  
  • Home
    • What's New
  • What I Do
    • Projects >
      • Finca La Lluvia
    • Podcast
    • Writing >
      • Books >
        • Getting Home Alive
        • Kindling
        • Cosecha & Other Stories
      • Essays >
        • Nadie la tiene: Land Ecology and Nationalism
        • Muna Lee
        • Testimonio de una colaboración
      • Writing Sample >
        • Invocation
        • chicken house goat girls
        • First Snow
        • A Remedy for Heartburn
        • Transfusion
        • Maguey/Lost Bird
        • Pines
    • Portfolio >
      • Letters from Earth
      • Rimonim Liturgy Project
  • What We Can Do Together
    • Workshops
    • Public Speaking >
      • Publicity Packet
    • One on One
    • Itinerary
  • Residency in Puerto Rico
  • Connections
    • Join My Mailing List
    • Write to me
    • Permissions
    • Calendar
    • Moon Phase
  • Blog
  • Support Aurora
    • Creatng Access >
      • Hosting Aurora
    • Access Researcher Position
    • Testimonials
  • Puerto Rico Liberation
    • Declaracion
    • Boricuando